Wednesday 10 October 2007
Sunday 7 October 2007
TDC - Day 6 (Looking back and looking forward)
Saturday means work and work means a change to a routine, having to get up early especially when it is this cold doesnt really sit very well with me. So forcing myself to get out of bed at 8:00am i get scrubbed up and leave for work, unfortunaly skipping breakfast. But i've never been able to sort out breakfast in time before work. So work was work, instead of my usual lunch of cakes and cokes i just had a simple cheese sandwich. I swear the amount of steps i must walk at work must burn off all the food i eat on the weekends.
After work was Pound-A-Pint! But alas i am not drinking and alas i dont drink pints anyway. It was packed as usual, played pool with Tom and drank 2 pints of orange juice and 6 pints of cranberry juice. Also found out, that the new fresher guy that i like, Lee apparently his name is, is A) Not gay and B) A wanker - according to Tam. Why in the last year since Sam have all the people i liked been straight? Who knows...
But the Dark Chronicles is a time of change, not just physically but emotionally as well. I must learn not to get attached to people to easy, it seems to happen with a lot more frequency these days. Looking back on the past year, i reflect on what little has happened in relation to my lovelife. There are things i regret but i mustnt dwell on them. It is time to look forward...
After work was Pound-A-Pint! But alas i am not drinking and alas i dont drink pints anyway. It was packed as usual, played pool with Tom and drank 2 pints of orange juice and 6 pints of cranberry juice. Also found out, that the new fresher guy that i like, Lee apparently his name is, is A) Not gay and B) A wanker - according to Tam. Why in the last year since Sam have all the people i liked been straight? Who knows...
But the Dark Chronicles is a time of change, not just physically but emotionally as well. I must learn not to get attached to people to easy, it seems to happen with a lot more frequency these days. Looking back on the past year, i reflect on what little has happened in relation to my lovelife. There are things i regret but i mustnt dwell on them. It is time to look forward...
Friday 5 October 2007
TDC - Day 5 (Reflections on a life)
Why do we strive for change, what is this quest of mine? To better myself, is it worth it. You only get one life, should you live it without consequence or should you make it the best it can be? I dont know if there is a right answer to this, but something this morning made me question this. I had my hospital appointment this morning and was told some hard hitting things, and was given some hard hitting things. Steroids, didnt know that was gonna be happening but it did. They didnt have the reaction i expected but this could be due to the no sleep and 400mg of caffeine i had last night.
I was close today to giving this all up today, i thought i had lost, and that i was fighting a battle that i couldnt win. But after some great consul from a very close friend he has shown me this is the correct path to follow because in my heart i know it is. I am back on the path that i started and there is still a long way to go, but im looking forwars to it now. Havent had much to eat or drink today so need to resolve that. Im gonna go to sleep soon, work for the next 2 days. Monday week 2 of this begins. Bring it on...
I was close today to giving this all up today, i thought i had lost, and that i was fighting a battle that i couldnt win. But after some great consul from a very close friend he has shown me this is the correct path to follow because in my heart i know it is. I am back on the path that i started and there is still a long way to go, but im looking forwars to it now. Havent had much to eat or drink today so need to resolve that. Im gonna go to sleep soon, work for the next 2 days. Monday week 2 of this begins. Bring it on...
TDC - Day 4 (24)
You will note that this post comes a day later than usual. That is becuase of a mental girl called Katie who thought it would be a good idea to watch Season 6 of 24 all the way through in one go, but more on this later. I figured out something today and that is sleep is important, the NHS recommend that you get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, however quite recently i havent been getting that much for various reasons. So i had quite a bit of a lie in this morning, got up at 11 for a production meeting at uni. Had a tuna and sweetcorn sandwich with NO butter!
The meeting went alright, then Steve had to clear up a sick, a long story and nothing much to do with my Dark Chronicles so doesnt warrant an extended mention im afraid. Wanted to go to the gym today but 24 took over. It began at 2 and then went on...and on...and on till it past midnight and into Day 5. But this post isnt over yet because today i came across my first obstacle, and i feel very sorry to say i crashed over it.
Its only 4 days into my dark chronicles and already gave into temptation. Watching 24 all night was an experience that i would normally saviour, loads of snacks, loads of drinks. But of course i couldnt have that. However after eating only 1 sandwich all day i was very hungy. So i did it, i bought a pizza - tuna, sweetcorn and peperoni. I also bought a 2 litre bottle of Irn-Bru. I rationalised that this didnt contain any calories of fat, and that i deserve a treat now and then which is why i bought the pizza but i was wrong. If you give in to any temptation, then i have failed altogether. I must be strong, keep my strength. Yes i gave in, but it's what i learn from my mistakes, how i deal with them in the future, how i deal with the other obstacles that sure will come in my way in the coming months. Yes i gave in, but now, my resolution is stronger than ever. I will complete this course of action, i will fufill my potential and i will be better for it...
The meeting went alright, then Steve had to clear up a sick, a long story and nothing much to do with my Dark Chronicles so doesnt warrant an extended mention im afraid. Wanted to go to the gym today but 24 took over. It began at 2 and then went on...and on...and on till it past midnight and into Day 5. But this post isnt over yet because today i came across my first obstacle, and i feel very sorry to say i crashed over it.
Its only 4 days into my dark chronicles and already gave into temptation. Watching 24 all night was an experience that i would normally saviour, loads of snacks, loads of drinks. But of course i couldnt have that. However after eating only 1 sandwich all day i was very hungy. So i did it, i bought a pizza - tuna, sweetcorn and peperoni. I also bought a 2 litre bottle of Irn-Bru. I rationalised that this didnt contain any calories of fat, and that i deserve a treat now and then which is why i bought the pizza but i was wrong. If you give in to any temptation, then i have failed altogether. I must be strong, keep my strength. Yes i gave in, but it's what i learn from my mistakes, how i deal with them in the future, how i deal with the other obstacles that sure will come in my way in the coming months. Yes i gave in, but now, my resolution is stronger than ever. I will complete this course of action, i will fufill my potential and i will be better for it...
Wednesday 3 October 2007
TDC - Day 3 (A New Dawn)
Day 3, and today has been a good day, my depressive mood last night has vacated and i'm in high spirits! I discovered a great new product this morning called Toast! I think i will have it for breakfast everyday, no butter of course. I have learned from yesterdays debacle. But i have a thin spread of organic loganberry preserve. Note: Loganberry's are the best fruit in the world, i grow them in my garden at home.
Was up bright and early for uni today since we were filming, but that didn't seem to bother me. Filming was fun - "Got that, then let's play!" How to play poker in one minute, ridiculous. The usual people are still cunts, some things never change, they make me want to break their necks so i never have to hear their pretentious whining ever again.
I HAVE JOINED THE GYM! Membership paid for, and set up the standing order im gonna go tomorrow after uni. Will give myself week or 2 to get a bit more fit and up my stamina and will then go circuits on Thursdays. Had a mediocre tuna pasta salad for lunch from Fresh in the union and will soon be cooking some mince and pasta, red meat, something i can enjoy. I shall be watching my weight more closely now as well and be posting it twice a week to see how it goes... at the moment it stands at 11st 5bls. Also confirmed my appointment at the hospital since i forgot when it was, its on Friday so glad to be getting that out the way.
Tonight will be enjoyable its Heroes! Getting October off to a good start, 24-a-thon tommorow as well. A New Dawn - the title of this post, is the track im listening to off Tiesto's CD, and its awesome, and i hope after these dark chronicles everything will be awesome. I have a good feeling about these 3 months...
Was up bright and early for uni today since we were filming, but that didn't seem to bother me. Filming was fun - "Got that, then let's play!" How to play poker in one minute, ridiculous. The usual people are still cunts, some things never change, they make me want to break their necks so i never have to hear their pretentious whining ever again.
I HAVE JOINED THE GYM! Membership paid for, and set up the standing order im gonna go tomorrow after uni. Will give myself week or 2 to get a bit more fit and up my stamina and will then go circuits on Thursdays. Had a mediocre tuna pasta salad for lunch from Fresh in the union and will soon be cooking some mince and pasta, red meat, something i can enjoy. I shall be watching my weight more closely now as well and be posting it twice a week to see how it goes... at the moment it stands at 11st 5bls. Also confirmed my appointment at the hospital since i forgot when it was, its on Friday so glad to be getting that out the way.
Tonight will be enjoyable its Heroes! Getting October off to a good start, 24-a-thon tommorow as well. A New Dawn - the title of this post, is the track im listening to off Tiesto's CD, and its awesome, and i hope after these dark chronicles everything will be awesome. I have a good feeling about these 3 months...
Tuesday 2 October 2007
TDC - Day 2 (Cold Turkey)
Day 2, and it already seems like i have been at this for weeks. The day started well, the happiness i was experiencing last night continued into the morning until I had my breakfast. Shreaded Wheat with skimmed milk. It was like eating tiny pieces of cardboard with milky water. I will have to buy Special K or Cornflakes, but unfortunaltey keep the milky water.
Lunch today consisted of a tuna sandwich, easy to order right? Wrong, i had it on white bread instead of brown, and i had butter. I hated myself, but when you've been having these things all your life it becomes natural when someone asks you "do you want butter on this?" you say "yes". Steve had a sausage sandwich and a caramel slice and he made it pretty clear to me that he was enjoying his food as i sat there drinking water while he had a pint of nice refreshing coke. Fucking hell, how i miss coke already. I imagine this is what its like to go cold turkey off drugs. Its hard but im going to work through it.
Uni consisted of boring lectures and Steve drinking Lucozade, eating snikers and fruit pastelles (cunt). Went to hand in my gym application form so i could start tommorow, but alas their till was broken so i will have to return tomorrow, but I will go for a run tomorrow to make up for it. BIG NEWS of today was that James is unfortunatley leaving uni, this means that a room is free at Nelson Street, it has been offered to me, and at this time of writing, after consultation with Monique and Charl as long as I find a housemate for my house, then i will be moving into 30 Nelson Street, which is quite a major thing.
I was planning on having a night in tonight but since James was going out for a sorta leaving do of course i went to that. Since im not drinking though i wasnt really up for going Gallery, which is why i'm here writing this at this time. Went to union and saw Sam who (jokingly?) said i was homophobic, lol. Surely he of all people should no that really aint the case. But apparantley Charl and Monique think the reason i would want to move out is becuase of them, which is why Sam thinks this. However this aint true. Tonight i must admit i am feeling a bit down dont know why really, but hopefully my mood will improve tomorrow. We shall see...
Lunch today consisted of a tuna sandwich, easy to order right? Wrong, i had it on white bread instead of brown, and i had butter. I hated myself, but when you've been having these things all your life it becomes natural when someone asks you "do you want butter on this?" you say "yes". Steve had a sausage sandwich and a caramel slice and he made it pretty clear to me that he was enjoying his food as i sat there drinking water while he had a pint of nice refreshing coke. Fucking hell, how i miss coke already. I imagine this is what its like to go cold turkey off drugs. Its hard but im going to work through it.
Uni consisted of boring lectures and Steve drinking Lucozade, eating snikers and fruit pastelles (cunt). Went to hand in my gym application form so i could start tommorow, but alas their till was broken so i will have to return tomorrow, but I will go for a run tomorrow to make up for it. BIG NEWS of today was that James is unfortunatley leaving uni, this means that a room is free at Nelson Street, it has been offered to me, and at this time of writing, after consultation with Monique and Charl as long as I find a housemate for my house, then i will be moving into 30 Nelson Street, which is quite a major thing.
I was planning on having a night in tonight but since James was going out for a sorta leaving do of course i went to that. Since im not drinking though i wasnt really up for going Gallery, which is why i'm here writing this at this time. Went to union and saw Sam who (jokingly?) said i was homophobic, lol. Surely he of all people should no that really aint the case. But apparantley Charl and Monique think the reason i would want to move out is becuase of them, which is why Sam thinks this. However this aint true. Tonight i must admit i am feeling a bit down dont know why really, but hopefully my mood will improve tomorrow. We shall see...
Monday 1 October 2007
TDC - Day One
Its 9.35 now and for all intents and purposes the day is over (bar a watching of Stranger than Fiction). Today was mixed, i woke up later than i should of and skipped breakfast. Normally i would grab a litre bottle of chocolate Yazoo and a bar of chocolate and eat that. This would normally keep my sustained till lunch, but i wasn't going to be having any of that today. I am on a diet and i'm going to stick to it. So i filled up 2 bottles of water and set off to uni.
The water lasted all of 2 hours and didn't really feed my hunger. Steve commented that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and i should always have it. I knew he was right, this will have to be started as of tomorrow but none of the usual suguar shit i eat like frosties or sugar puffs, it was gonna have to be either shreaded wheat or wheat-abix. I didnt feel quite right going to the shop and buying oat-abix or (Not-made-from-wheat-made-from-oats-instead-abix).
After uni, i went to join the gym as planned. Got my application form and medical form, so will hand those in tomorrow. Lunch, normally my favourite meal of the day, either a goodfillas or a nice sandwich and crisps from Spar washed down with Irn-Bru. But your not going to find any of those in The Dark Chronicles, so i had 3 bits of Ryvita, with a little bit of low fat cottage cheese. It was fucking disgusting, i hate ryvita, but i realised i hate myslef more for the way i am/look. This reminded me the whole reason im doing this.
Had my eye appointment in the afternoon, and going to get contacts next friday (12th) just one part of changing the way i look. (Im getting blue tinted ones). Went to Sainsburys on the way back for some shopping which consisted of foods, i dont think ive ever actually bought before including Apples, Salmon, Skimmed milk and Shreaded Wheat. But a diets a diet.
Conclusion: The start of the day was hard, i was hungry for most of it and for some reason my thoughts kept wondering back to kissing Sam so, so many months ago. I dont know why really, if it was just the horrible hunger pangs or subconciously i was reminding myself the whole reason i am doing this. So that in the future, it isnt just one kiss, not with Sam obviously, but with someone else. A reltationship and to better myself as a person. To fufill my potential. That memory reminded me how great that kiss felt, but more, what it was like to be happy. And as i finish this first day off, i am feeling happy. Hopefully this will continue, and keep to every promise ive made myself. But still this is only the 1st day and there is a loooong way to go...
The water lasted all of 2 hours and didn't really feed my hunger. Steve commented that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and i should always have it. I knew he was right, this will have to be started as of tomorrow but none of the usual suguar shit i eat like frosties or sugar puffs, it was gonna have to be either shreaded wheat or wheat-abix. I didnt feel quite right going to the shop and buying oat-abix or (Not-made-from-wheat-made-from-oats-instead-abix).
After uni, i went to join the gym as planned. Got my application form and medical form, so will hand those in tomorrow. Lunch, normally my favourite meal of the day, either a goodfillas or a nice sandwich and crisps from Spar washed down with Irn-Bru. But your not going to find any of those in The Dark Chronicles, so i had 3 bits of Ryvita, with a little bit of low fat cottage cheese. It was fucking disgusting, i hate ryvita, but i realised i hate myslef more for the way i am/look. This reminded me the whole reason im doing this.
Had my eye appointment in the afternoon, and going to get contacts next friday (12th) just one part of changing the way i look. (Im getting blue tinted ones). Went to Sainsburys on the way back for some shopping which consisted of foods, i dont think ive ever actually bought before including Apples, Salmon, Skimmed milk and Shreaded Wheat. But a diets a diet.
Conclusion: The start of the day was hard, i was hungry for most of it and for some reason my thoughts kept wondering back to kissing Sam so, so many months ago. I dont know why really, if it was just the horrible hunger pangs or subconciously i was reminding myself the whole reason i am doing this. So that in the future, it isnt just one kiss, not with Sam obviously, but with someone else. A reltationship and to better myself as a person. To fufill my potential. That memory reminded me how great that kiss felt, but more, what it was like to be happy. And as i finish this first day off, i am feeling happy. Hopefully this will continue, and keep to every promise ive made myself. But still this is only the 1st day and there is a loooong way to go...
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